


Inara

by shealynn88



Series: Aftermath [3]
Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-13
Updated: 2012-09-13
Packaged: 2017-11-14 04:18:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shealynn88/pseuds/shealynn88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Occurs to me,” Mal said, “you’re the one on this boat trained to give comfort.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inara

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Serenity.

With the scent of incense in the air and her eyes closed in meditation, Inara could imagine that the shuttle was decked again in rich cloth and warm furnishings, that it was hers. It was so different from the training center, small and intimate and mobile…she had to admit, she missed it sometimes.

A knock on the shuttle door brought her back to herself in a rush, and she opened her eyes to the reality of dull metal and sparse furnishings. She snuffed the candle in front of her hastily, leaving the lone stick of incense to burn. 

The knock sounded again, louder this time, and she sighed wearily as she rose to answer it. She wasn’t really surprised to find that the Captain was the force behind the weighted fist. In the past, he’d had a nasty habit of either pounding dents in the door or walking in completely unannounced. He’d never been much for compromise. At least, not with her. Inara was silent as she watched him lean heavily on the edge of the door.

“Occurs to me,” he finally said, “you’re the one on this boat trained to give comfort.”

Inara’s lips tightened at his sudden proposal, fear and anger warring in her head. “You’re drunk,” she said, the words coming out as an accusation.

He laughed. “First mate and I had a sit down. Might’ve been some liquor involved.”

He and Zoe. Her irritation thawed, replaced by a gentle sadness. No wonder he was drunk. They might not show it, the two of them, but the deaths had hit them the hardest. 

She was suddenly sorry to turn him away from the comfort he seemed to be requesting, but his hurt didn’t change who he was. Even with his hidden pain burning her, she couldn’t do it. Not knowing how little it would mean to him. How he’d hate them both later. 

“Mal,” she said as gently as she could. “I know you’re hurting. But I don’t serve the crew. I never have, and I won’t start now. It’s something I feel very strongly about.”

He cocked his head at her, clearly confused. Then he gave a little laugh. “Didn’t come here for _sex_ , girl!” 

The irritation came rushing back. What did he expect her to think, coming to her shuttle drunk, commenting on comfort? “Well, then, what _did_ you mean?” she snapped.

He stood up straight, wavering only slightly. “Had a few things to say, is all. Thought I’d get it done while I had ‘em straight in my mind.”

“All right,” she said suspiciously. She sighed, trying to relax. Finally, she settled for hiding her scattered emotions with courtesy. “Would you like to come in?” 

“Wouldn’t mind a place to sit,” he admitted. “Think our girl’s suffered a bit. Little more turbulence than usual.” He tipped and had to catch his balance as he said it, seeming to prove the point. After a moment, he stepped past her into the barren shuttle she’d once called home.

“Bit different,” he said, looking around at the stripped room, taking in the pallet and chair the crew had loaned her. He took the chair, slumping into it heavily, and she lowered herself easily onto the pallet.

“What was it you needed to talk to me about?” Inara asked quietly, hoping he wouldn’t ask her to leave the ship now, before she’d made up her mind about what she wanted.

“Comfort. ‘S what it comes down to, isn’t it?”

She shook her head, not following his drunken train of thought.

“Seems to me, I’ve been a bit hard on your trade,” he said quietly, staring off into the distance. “Maybe cause I never understood. Man like me…don’t give or take it so easy. Comfort ain’t something we come across, nor have need for in these parts of the ‘verse. Not often, anyway.”

Inara took a deep breath, hoping she was understanding him, that she wasn’t dreaming. Was this some sort of drunken apology? “Mal, I—“

He waved at her. “Now, now, I ain’t done. Let me say my piece.” There was a long pause, and she watched him with sad affection.

When he spoke again, he was uncharacteristically quiet. “I got crew that’s hurtin’, and I don’t know quite how to reach ‘em. Zoe and Jayne and me, we understand each other, but that doctor and his sis…Kaylee, even…they’re a puzzle I don’t see myself ever figurin’ out.” 

Another pause.

“I was thinkin’, maybe with your ambassadorin’ ways, you could help ‘em out a little. Rough patch we’re going through, everyone needs seein’ to.” He turned, finally meeting her eyes with a silent plea. “Just talk. You got a way with words, the way they train you, and I just don’t.” His hands started weaving together nervously, but his eyes never left hers. “Could really use your help,” he whispered.

It was somehow painful to see this vulnerability in him, but she was touched to be the one to witness it. She found herself swallowing hard. It wouldn’t do for him to see her cry. She knew what it cost him to ask. Even if the question was foolish. “They’re my friends, Mal. Of course I’ll help.” _Because I love them, and I want them well as much as you do. But if it gives you comfort, I’ll let you think it’s because you asked. Because comfort is what I do, and this is the only comfort you’ll let me give you. The only gift you’ll accept._

He smiled sadly at her and stood suddenly, a little steadier, perhaps because a weight had been lifted.

She rose smoothly, a protective fondness coming over her as she opened the door for him.

He turned back to her suddenly as he was leaving, his face vulnerable. “Can’t give you any good reason to stay in the black. You’ve seen the truth of it. No place for a lady out here.” His voice broke, and she couldn’t know for sure if it was the words or the drink behind them. But then his eyes met hers, and she knew it wasn’t all drink. The whirlpool depths of hurt and want and responsibility made her breath catch. 

His voice was a little gruff as he finished. “All I can give you is this. If you find a reason to stay, I’ll do my best not to make you regret it.”

They were simple, simple words, but they made her want to weep and smile and kiss him softly. What she wouldn’t give to see all his pain disappear, if only for a moment. It was as close to _I missed you_ as she was ever going to get. 

She settled for taking his hand and squeezing it. Her mind was made up in that moment. 

“I can think of a few,” she said softly, wondering if he had any inkling that most of them involved him.

He squeezed back, the warmth of his hand making her tingle all over, and then he let go slowly, his fingers trailing softly over her sensitive palm. He gave her an almost shy half smile and ducked his head in a nod, then turned, walking steadily away without another word. 

Inara watched his back until he turned the corner, her emotions flickering crazily between euphoria and the deep seated fear that staying was a huge mistake. 

She could still feel the warmth of his hand in hers, and she closed her fingers around it to savor the sensation for just a few extra seconds. It didn’t matter how big a mistake it might be. This ship, this crew, and the quiet promise of a drunken captain meant more to her than anyone or anything had before.


End file.
